Are You Accidentally Creating the Culture You Complain About?
Here's what holds back leaders right now: they're kind of clueless, but not intentionally. With the best of intentions, they just don't realize they're creating the exact culture they complain about.
I see this all the time. Leaders come to me frustrated about disengagement, lack of initiative, poor communication – you name it. And when we dig into what's actually happening, we discover something uncomfortable: they're the ones building the very problems they're trying to solve.
The Two Questions That Changed Everything
Let me share two self-audit questions that every manager needs to ask themselves, especially as we head into a new year. Get real with yourself on these.
First question: Would I want to work for me right now?
If you hesitate even a nanosecond, trust me, your team already knows the answer. They see what you don't want to admit. They feel it in every interaction, every meeting, every decision you make or avoid making.
Second question: Look at your calendar.
Are you investing time in developing people and having really good conversations? Or are you just managing output and asking for a bunch of updates?
Most managers think they're doing the first when their calendar screams the second.
What Your Calendar Actually Reveals
Your calendar doesn't lie. It's the most honest reflection of your priorities, whether you want to admit it or not.
If your calendar is packed with status update meetings, project check-ins, and review sessions – but there's no space for actual development conversations, for coaching moments, for helping people grow – then you're managing tasks, not leading people.
And here's the thing: your team knows this too.
They know when you're genuinely invested in their growth versus when you're just trying to make sure deliverables get delivered on time.
The Culture Creation Problem
The culture you're complaining about? You're probably building it with the best of intentions.
You say you want people to take initiative, but you micromanage every decision.
You say you want open communication, but you're always too busy to really listen.
You say you want innovation, but you shut down ideas that don't fit your predetermined plan.
You say you want engagement, but you only talk to people when you need something from them.
None of this is malicious. Most leaders genuinely want to do right by their teams. But intention doesn't equal impact.
What Gets in the Way
I've worked with hundreds of leaders over my 30 years in this field, and I can tell you the pattern is consistent: leaders get so focused on output and results that they forget people are the ones creating those results.
They forget that investing time in developing people isn't separate from getting work done – it IS the work.
They forget that the quality of their conversations directly impacts the quality of their culture.
They forget that every interaction either builds trust or erodes it.
Making the Shift
So what do you do about it?
Start with those two questions. Really sit with them. Don't rationalize. Don't justify. Just look at the truth.
Would you actually want to work for yourself right now? Be brutally honest.
And what does your calendar say about your real priorities? Not what you wish they were, but what they actually are.
If you don't like the answers, that's actually good news. Because awareness is the first step toward change.
The Triple Dog Dare
I'm going to triple dog dare you to do something uncomfortable: ask yourself these two questions and actually sit with the answers.
Then look at next week's calendar. Find one meeting where you're just checking for updates and replace it with a real development conversation.
Ask someone on your team: What do you love to do? What do you need from me to do your best work?
And then – this is the hardest part – just shut up and listen.
Don't fix. Don't solve. Don't immediately jump to action items. Just listen.
Because the culture you create starts with whether people feel heard, valued, and invested in.
The Bottom Line
Your team decides whether they trust you in week one. They decide whether they're engaged or just going through the motions based on how you show up every single day.
And the culture you create – whether it's one where people thrive or one where they're quietly looking for the exit – that's on you.
Not entirely, of course. There are always factors outside your control. But your leadership? That's absolutely in your control.
So as we head into this new year, get honest with yourself. Would you want to work for you? What does your calendar actually say about your priorities?
Your team already knows the answers. The question is: are you ready to face them too?
So take what I say super seriously.
